


You Wanna Help Me? (Then Just Leave Me Alone)

by Small_Town_Wayward_Daughter



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Implied/Referenced Torture, Knifeplay, Physical Abuse, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sexual Abuse, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-06-18
Packaged: 2018-07-15 10:09:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7218289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Small_Town_Wayward_Daughter/pseuds/Small_Town_Wayward_Daughter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gemma wasn't the only one to be used by Zobelle to send a message. You just never got to send yours.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I DO NOT AGREE WITH THIS VIEW OR ANY OF THE BIGOT VIEWS IN THIS PIECE OF WRITING. I LOVE EVERYONE NO MATTER WHAT RACE, SIZE, SEXUAL ORIENTATION, WHATEVER I LOVE EVERYONE. Please don't take this personally I just had a thought for a side story showing Juice's softer side and had to make the poor reader suffer. My apologies.

Have you ever been in pain for so long that you forget what it feels like to no hurt? Well I have and its fucking terrible. I was trapped in an abandoned warehouse, well it was abandoned now. Once the sun goes down I'm due for my nightly "Pig porking" I had been captured to send a message to my stepfather, that blacks and whites don't mix (Authors Note! I DO NOT AGREE WITH THIS VIEW OR ANY OF THE BIGOT VIEWS IN THIS PIECE OF WRITING. I LOVE EVERYONE NO MATTER WHAT RACE, SIZE, SEXUAL ORIENTATION, WHATEVER I LOVE EVERYONE. Please don't take this personally). My mother married a nice African American preacher and they were really happy together. I've always been large and no matter what I do the weight never leaves. I used to like how I looked I had almost come to terms with it. However my captors liked my "Fat juicy ass' so much that they have kept me for weeks. Beating me, burning me, raping me, and emotionally torturing me all because I was a large girl with a black father. I was almost convinced that this was all that I was good for with as much as I heard it. I had prayed that God kill me after the first few times that it happened, but I know that he isn't listening to me in this level of hell. There is nothing I can do but hang here by the chain link fence that keeps me upright and hope that my body will shut down once and for all. I had no idea what time it was until I heard the doors open and saw that they were dragging someone into the warehouse. It was another lady, her hair was dark and messed up from being dragged around probably, and she acted like she was unconscious. I wondered why she was here, maybe they were tired of me and they would kill me now, but I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I heard a person walking down to my part of the fence and waited for my 'playtime'.  
"Hello fatty, it's time to play did you miss me?" I learned not to say anything, it just made it worse. _As if that was possible_. I flinched when the cigarette burned my upper thigh but it would take a lot more then that to get a reaction out of me these days. I heard the lady chained behind me stirring and she started to yell.   
"Shh lady! They will just hurt you worse." I forgot that I had a man in front of me as she started to freak out. He pressed the cigarette into my other leg and slapped me.   
"Shut up porky! She will get out of here after we have our fun with her. Do you want to watch as I have my fun with you? Want to watch your new friend get raped too?" He flipped me around so that I was facing the fence and I could see the lady more clearly now. She was facing the fence too and looked terrified. I felt a stab of sympathy for her.   
"Who are you? What's going on you sick bastards?" She yelled in her gravelly voice. "Let me go and none of you will pay." They laughed and one of the men hit her. I tried not to watch as all three of the men took a turn raping her, the man that had flipped me over to watch even had a turn, but I knew that I was not safe. I would be punished and I could only hope that this would be the last time. They unhooked her from the fence and dropped her to the ground when they were done. I never heard a person come up behind me but I felt the knife dragging across my back, someone was carving into my skin. I tried not to scream but I felt how deep the wounds were and I couldn't help it. The men left after that I knew that the sun must be coming up. That's the only time they ever left.  
"How long have you been here?" The lady asked.   
"It was April when I was taken." She looked horrified and I regretted saying anything.  
"It's August." I nodded that made sense. I knew that it had been a while. "Why did they take you?"  
"My mom married a black preacher and she is white. They are white supremacists and wanted to use me to teach her a lesson but they liked my fat ass and decided to keep me." She just shook her head and sighed before laying her head back down.  
  
A few hours later the door opened and I was thankful that the light was only on over the other lady. It wasn't night time yet and I didn't know who it could be. I saw an old man come in calling for a Gemma, I guess that must be the other lady because he ran to her and woke her up. She jumped and looked up at me I shook my head and begged her with my eyes not to tell him I was there. She let the man take her out of there and I heard a car start up. I was alone again and I was ok with that, for another hour until I heard another car pull up and a few male voices. I was trying to hide but I was still chained to the fence. The door was pried open and a man called out.   
"Hello?" I didn't answer.  
"Maybe she got away?" Another voice said from closer to me.  
"No, Gemma said she was chained to the fucking fence, keep looking." Gemma told them I was here, I didn't know how I felt about that yet.  
"Oh my God." A voice said from behind me and I jumped and cried out when I wrenched my shoulder. I felt something soft get draped over me and I flinched again.  
"Please, Just do it and leave." I whispered and the man behind me froze.   
"You're awake? Holy shit. Opie cut the chains."  
"Please don't, I haven't stood in a while and I don't think I can right now." I begged but i felt the chains get pried off of my wrists and I would have fallen to the ground but something warm caught me. I cringed at the contact and tried to back away but I was held tight.  
"It's ok, I've got you, I'm gonna get you out of here." I shook my head frantically.  
"I don't want to leave I can't. Please."   
"We're trying to help you sweetheart." The other voice said and I shook my head again.  
"Just let me die here please just stop." The one holding me lifted me off of my feet and started moving me towards the door. I went rigid in his hold and started to have a panic attack. _You don't understand! I don't know how to be outside! I've been here since April please just leave me!_. I wanted to scream but I couldn't the words were stuck in my head and my breath was trapped in my lungs. I was set on the bed of a truck as another blanket was placed around the front of me. I closed my eyes against the sun, it burned my eyes.  
"Hey, hey calm down for me honey, breathe with me ok." He started to take deep breaths and I tried to match his. It took a while for him to calm me, I opened my eyes and looked into his face. _He was so pretty_. His head was shaved except for a short Mohawk down the middle, He had tribal tattoos on the sides and soft, kind brown eyes. He was looking at me and I looked at the other man really quickly. He was tall, with long brown hair that was trapped under a beanie and a long beard. He looked sick and I wrapped the blanket around me tighter. "What's your name sweetheart" The other one with the long hair asked.   
"F/N." I mumbled and he smiled softly.   
"I'm Opie, and this is Juice. We came to get you for Gemma." I just nodded and looked at the ground. "I have some clothes if you want to put them on, it's just a shirt and pants but still." I shrugged and he went to get them from the front of the truck. I jumped a mile high when the door slammed shut before looking up at Juice. He looked pained and I realized that the blanket had fallen, he could see some of the burns and marks on my shoulders and chest. Opie came back and handed me the clothes before he turned around. I pulled the shirt over my head and on top of the blanket before I bent to put on the pants and cried out. My arms were stiff from being chained up that long. Juice moved forward to help me and I flinched away from him.   
"I'm gonna help you put the pants on that's all ok? I won't hurt you." I nodded and he gently pulled my legs through until I could reach the waist band, then he backed away and I pulled them up the rest of the way.  
"I'm sorry if I bleed on the shirt." I mumbled and Opie looked at me   
"Where are you bleeding from?" I pointed over my shoulder. "Can I see?" I got up and pulled the back of the shirt up. They both made a noise of despair and I knew that it was bad.  
"What does it say?" no one answered. "Please? What does it say I already know that its bad."  
"It says 'juicy'" I nodded   
"That's not so bad. I was expecting 'Die Porky Die' or something" I didn't realize that I had spoken out loud until Juice made another sound. I looked at the ground and tried to make myself smaller.   
"Do you have anywhere to go?" I shook my head, I _couldn't_ go home. I never wanted my mom to see me like this. "Do you want to come with us?" I shook my head again. "Not like that! We can take you to the hospital to get checked out or-"  
"No! No more people please. I don't even know how to be outside or around you I've been here since April Goddamn it! If you want to help me just leave me here to die!" Juice looked shocked and Opie looked mad, I'm not sure if it was because that was the most I've spoken, what i said, or how i said it.   
"You've been here since April?" Juice asked in a shocked tone and I just nodded. Opie stepped closer to me and wrapped his arms around me. I froze and waited to see what he was gonna do. _Oh, a hug_. He leaned back to look at me and mumbled  
"I'm so sorry, I don't know what happened but I am so sorry." I nodded and waited for him to let go. He did and I shuffled a half step away from him and then I bumped into Juice. I guess he wanted a hug too because he wrapped his arms around me next. When he pulled away I just nodded at him and backed away from both of them.   
"You guys are big, did you know that? I mean tall I'm bigger then both of you but not taller." I still babbled when I was nervous, that's good to know. They both smiled at me.  
"Can we get out of here? I want to burn this fucking place to the ground." Juice looked at me and I shrugged.   
"Where are you going to take me next?" I needed to know where I was going to be held next.  
"I was thinking of taking you to our club house." Opie nodded and smiled a small smile at me. "We can call Tara and have her meet us there." I just looked at the ground and waited. Juice opened the back door and I climbed into the backseat. It was comfy and smelled like oil and leather. I wasn't paying attention to where we were going I was just listening to Opie humming along to Metallica playing on the radio. He had a nice hum, I liked it. We pulled into a mechanic place and Opie parked the truck by another building on the property. Juice climbed out and I went to open the door when it was opened for me. _Huh, Why is he being so nice?_  
Juice put his hand on my back to gently nudge me forward and I followed behind Opie as he went into the 'club house'. There was a long bar and pool tables in this building, there was more but that was all I could see from the front. It smelled like beer, sweat, cologne and leather, it wasn't entirely unpleasant.   
"Hey guys!" I jumped when a voice boomed behind me. Opie reached out and touched me gently but I backed into the wall and stayed there. "Whoa easy sweetheart!"   
"Tig! stop yelling!" Juice barked out at him and Tig looked at the ground.  
"Sorry brother. I didn't see her standing behind you, she's a tiny thing." I scoffed and looked at the ground when the three of them looked at me. "What's your name darlin'?" I shook my head and tried to step back again but I was already pressed tight to the wall. The new man looked at Opie and Juice with a 'what the fuck?' look. Opie motioned for him to follow him outside and the two walked away.   
"You wanna take a shower? There are a few rooms in the back i'm sure one of them can be for you?" Juice asked me kindly and I just nodded. I figured they would want me to be clean for whatever came next. Juice led me to a specific room and I figured it was probably his. He showed me how to work the shower, gave me towels, a toothbrush, and another set of clothes. I was grateful but also knew that it was going to kill my back. I tried to hurry but the water felt so good on the rest of me that I couldn't make myself hurry. The shampoo and body wash smelled so nice and I was glad to be clean It had been a while since I'd been allowed to clean up. I never looked in the mirror I was to scared of what I would see.   
I came out of the bathroom dressed but with wet hair and the clothes were big on me so i figured they were Opie's. Juice was reading on the bed when I came out and I jumped when I saw him.   
"Sorry honey, I figured I'd wait here and take you to get food when you were done." I shook my head, I didn't want to eat.   
"Not hungry?" I nodded. "When did you eat or drink last?" I shrugged and fiddled with the hem of my shirt. He sighed and I knew he wanted me to talk to him. "You are allowed to talk to me ya know?" I nodded and the door burst open.   
"Juicey!" A tall pretty blonde girl ran to him and jumped on him. I backed against the wall and hit my head against it in my haste. She turned to look at me with her lip curled up. "Ew, who is that?" My face turned red and I slid down the wall to bury my face in my knees.   
"Get out of here! I didn't invite you in." There was a pause and then she said   
"Oh you were talking to me! I thought you meant the cow." She said in a low voice. "You don't want me to leave do you Juicey?" I flinched at the name and he snapped at her.   
"Stop fucking calling me that and get the fuck out. Now." She yelped and the door slammed, then the room was quiet. I felt Juice sit next to me by the wall and I shifted away from him. "I'm sorry F/N. The girls around here are stupid and rude. Please stop hiding." I shook my head and he shifted closer to me so that he could take my hand in his.  
"Why aren't you taking what you want so that I can go?" I mumbled and he dropped my hand like I burned him.   
"What?"   
"Just rape me so that I can go please, I don't know why you're being so nice to me but its not fair." I looked into his eyes and saw shock and sadness reflected back at me.   
"Is that what has been happening since April?" I nodded and he took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a second. "That won't happen to you here F/N. Ever. We are the Sons of Anarchy and we protect, we save, we don't rape, and abuse. I don't know what you thought Opie and I brought you here for but it wasn't that."   
"Then why am I not here, If you're not going to use me then why did you bring me here with all these men?" I don't understand.   
"We want to _help_ you not hurt you. Gemma asked that we get you and bring you here because you tried to help her, even though it caused you more pain."   
"I was hoping that they would finally kill me and leave her alone instead. I tried but they wanted to hurt her."  
"They? There was more then one?" I nodded   
"There are 3 main ones. One liked to rape and get blow jobs, one liked anal and to burn, the third liked to rape and strangle and sometimes there was a 4th but only when he wanted to let off some steam with his blade."   
"Oh my God." I looked up and saw a group of men standing in the doorway. I flinched and tried to slide away but ran into Juice. He scooped me up into his arms and held me against his chest.   
"P-please don't hurt me, I will be good I promise."


	2. Chapter 2

I had a hard time letting anyone near me even the Doctor Tara but at least she wasn't intimidating, she just was a snob. I got a lot of pitying looks from the men and Juice hardly left my side for the rest of the day after I told him about the men. He seemed so sad and I didn't know why. Tara was stitching my back and had examined me, she gave me a few medications, an antibiotic, a Tetanus shot, and she tried to give me a pain pill but I didn't take that one. I wanted to fell what I was feeling. She got frustrated when I wouldn't speak and had Juice come in to sit there so I would feel more comfortable.   
"She won't talk unless she wants to whether I'm here or not." He told her and I knew that he didn't like her either his tone was Ice cold.   
"Is she mute or just to damaged?"   
"Neither, I just don't speak when I have nothing to say." Juice coughed out a laugh and Tara glared at me.   
"How am I meant to treat you if you wont talk to me?" I shrugged.   
"What do you want to know?"   
"What exactly happened to you?" I looked at Juice.  
"Are you sure you want to know?" She nodded but I was talking to him and he nodded too.  
"Alright, I've been chained to a fence and raped every night since April the 25th, sometimes it was one man, sometimes it was four, I've been burned with cigarettes, I have a brand on my thigh of a pig, and i think there is one on the bottom of my foot too, I've been beaten and strangled until I passed out, I've been forced to give blow jobs and choked, I've been anally raped, and sliced up a lot I was stabbed the first night but it healed. I also have 'Juicy' carved into my back. I prayed that I would die every day and when that didn't work I stopped praying and started just hoping that I would die. Now i'm here and I think that's it. Anything else you wanna know Doc?"  
She looked like she wanted to cry and Juice was shocked at my cold analysis. They didn't realize that I had to become part robot to survive until it was my time to die. Juice came to stand next to me with his hands on my shoulders and Tara was trying to compose herself.   
"Did they use condoms?" she finally asked and I shook my head.  
"They wouldn't cum there, just in my mouth or ass. They didn't want their 'porky' to get pregnant." I said and looked down at the table. "Can I stop talking again." She nodded looking a little green. I curled up in the chair I was sitting in and put my face against my knees. Juice rubbed my shoulders and I tried not to lean against him.   
I fell asleep at some point and was moved into a room that looked like it didn't belong to anyone. I went to get up and look around when I stepped on something on the floor, I shrieked and Juice jumped up waving a gun. I threw my pillow at him and buried my face in the blanket.  
"A pillow? Really?" He set it back on the bed and rubbed his face with the hand that was gun free.  
"What are you doing in here? And what's with the fucking gun?" Opie came bursting in with a gun of his own and I threw the pillow at him as a reflex. He looked at me with an incredulous expression and handed me back my pillow. "What is with you guys and guns? Why are you here?" I pointed at Juice for the last one.   
"I heard you scream, that's what happens when I go into protector mode." Opie said looking down and I looked at Juice with my head cocked.   
"I didn't want you to sleep alone in a strange place so I crashed on your floor. I didn't think you were going to get up in the middle of the night. I'm sorry I scared you."   
"I only sleep for a few hours and then I am awake." Was all that came to mind as a reply. They both nodded and Opie shuffled back out and into his room across the hall. Juice went to settle back on the floor. "Wait, y-you can sleep up here, I bet the floor hurts. Just um let me have to outside?" He shook his head   
"I'm not gonna take advantage of you like that. I'm a snuggler and I don't want to freak you out."   
"You won't It'll be ok." _What am I doing?!_ He sighed and got up, walking to the other side and climbed on the bed. I got up to go to the bathroom and went to lay back down. Juice was asleep and was on his side, sleeping next to someone was nice and soon I fell back to sleep.  
  
I woke up before Juice and decided that I wanted to explore a little bit. I sneaked out from under his arm and crept out of the room and down the hallway that led to the main room. A large man with long hair was sitting at the bar sighing over a stack of papers. He grumbled and when to go get something from the kitchen so I went to peek at what he was working on. Oh book keeping, he had added wrong though.   
"Is that my shirt?" I jumped when someone spoke from behind me, it was the man with the long hair. I shrugged and looked down at it.   
"You added wrong" I blurted and he glared at me.  
"Where?" I pointed it out and he chuckled. "Thanks kid. That wasn't adding up and it was driving me nuts." I nodded and asked   
"Can I get some coffee?" He nodded and shooed me to the kitchen while he went to work on another page. I came back to the bar and sat a few seats down from him in the corner. He slid me a page.  
"Help." I looked for a few minutes and slid it back.   
"Cara Cara didn't get added in the third quarter." He smiled at me and fixed it.  
"I like you, What's your name?"   
"F/N"   
"Bobby." I nodded and sipped my coffee some more. Bobby seemed nice enough and I like helping him.  
"How old are you F/N?"   
"26." He nodded   
"You looking for a job?" I shrugged, I hadn't thought about it.   
"I wouldn't say no to one." I replied and he threw back his head to laugh.  
"Good, meet me here each morning at this time and you can help me get caught up on the books from 1977 until now." I nodded   
"Yes sir."   
"F/N?!"   
"Bar!" Bobby called out and Juice skidded into the room.  
"Oh, hey Bobby." He stole a sip of Bobby's coffee on his way over to stand next to me. I handed him my cup, it was still mostly full.   
"Ugh! That is black coffee there F/N!" He grimaced and I chuckled.   
"I don't like frilly coffee. Its meant to have a kick to it." I mumbled and Juice just shook his head as he went to get his own cup. Bobby slid another few pages down to me and I circled what was missing or added wrong. I slid the pages back as Juice came back in.   
"You helping Bobby with the books?" I nodded   
"Yes she is gonna be working with me until I get them all finished."   
"Just don't overwhelm her." Bobby stopped and looked at me, was he going to change his mind? I didn't want to be treated like I was weak. I tilted my chin at him in defiance.   
"She's fine, don't enable her." I nodded and stuck my tongue out at Juice. He leaned down to kiss my head and we both froze for a second. I stood up and went to get more coffee from the kitchen. Juice followed after me.  
"F/N I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make it weird."  
"You didn't Juice, I'm fine. It just caught me by surprise. Please don't treat me like a freak or something ok? I just want to get back to some kind of normal." He nodded and smiled at me.   
"You wanna hang out later? We can go get you some clothes of your own, even if Bobby's clothes look good on you." I didn't want to go clothes shopping when I was my old self, new me totally didn't want to shop.  
"Uh sure, but can I go alone? I'll come right back." Juice frowned and I realized how that sounded. "I want to spend time with you, but buying clothes is embarrassing and I don't want you to see it. Make sense?" He nodded   
"So I'll drop you off and go by my house to get some clothes of my own, then come back for you." I nodded then asked   
"If you have a house why are you staying here?" He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.  
"I didn't want to leave you alone." _Oh_. I smiled and walked up to him and hugged him. We both froze and he wrapped his arms around me gently before I pulled back.   
"I appreciate the gesture but you can go home if you want to. I am not a very social being these days."  
"Nah, I'll stick around for a while." the door opened and Gemma walked in looking a little battered. I looked at her and gave a small smile. She gave one back and walked over to hug me.  
"Hey sweetheart"  
"Hi" I mumbled and backed up into Juice. He wrapped an arm around my waist and smiled at Gemma.  
"Hey Gem, how are you?" She nodded and looked at me.  
"I'm ok, how is she doing?" Juice nodded and nudged me gently. He wanted me to talk.  
"I'm ok, kinda, I guess. I'm not used to people, or the outside, or anything anymore. But Juice helps." I rambled and she chuckled.  
"Juice helps huh?" She looked at him and he nodded "Well You and I need to have a drink together later on. I wanna get to know you darlin' " I nodded   
"I'm gonna take her to get clothes, even though she looks cute swimming in these, I thought she would like some of her own." Juice said and Gemma nodded and handed me a credit card out of her wallet.   
"It's on me, get some bras, and underwear too not just clothes, and a pair of shoes." I groaned.   
"I hate shopping." I grumbled and Juice busted up laughing. "I'll find a way to pay you back." She shook her head and gave me a look. I looked at the ground and shuffled my feet.  
  
Juice was true to his word, he dropped me off and was gone for a while, which was good and bad. good because it was hard to find a few long sleeved shirts, two were plaid, tank tops, two short sleeved shirts, and jeans that I liked and fit, but i also had to find some shorts, a few extra tank tops and sports bras to sleep in plus bras and underwear. I was looking at shoes when Juice came in he took my bags out to the car and then came back as I was trying on a pair of leather shit kicker boots that I liked.   
"Which ones?" I held up the boots and a pair of vans that I liked also. He deliberated and picked the vans.   
"They are good for everyday and your feel will still stay gripped on the bike." I looked at him.  
"Bike?" He nodded and smiled at me as I went to buy my shoes.  
"Motorcycle. I'll show you when we get back." I nodded at him and we left. It was getting a lot easier to be around Juice, he knew when to nudge me and when to step in so that I didn't get overwhelmed. A large group of people were walking by as we walked out of the shop and Juice knew that I would be freaked out so he reached back and took my hand. His hands were big and warm compared to mine. Stress made me cold and I was always stressed these days. He opened the truck door for me and I reached over to unlock his as he walked around.   
There was a lot more people at the club house when we returned and I wasn't looking forward to walking through them all to get to my room.   
"C'mon, I'll take you through the back way." Juice pulled me around the building to the back door.  
"Thank you." I breathed a relieved sigh when he took me down the hallway for my room.   
"Sure thing sweetheart, I'll let you get changed and I'll meet you in my room? I'm going to put my stuff away real quick. Then I'll introduce you to the guys." I nodded and went to change. I put on dark wash jeans that were loose enough to be flattering but not to loose that they hung off me, a blue bra and matching underwear, a black tank top and a black and white plaid shirt that matched. After I put my vans on I went to find Juice. I tapped on his door and it opened to show him and that blonde girl from the other day kissing. I coughed softly and waited for him to look up. He jumped away from her and looked horrified at me.   
"We're busy cow." The girl said and I nodded.   
"I came to tell you that I'm gonna go meet Gemma, you don't have to come with me." I turned and made my way back down the hallway. I bumped into Opie and he grabbed me gently so I didn't fall.  
"Whoa F/N? you look great, how are you?" I nodded and smiled up at him.   
"Hey Opie, I'm ok, how are you?" I hadn't seen him since that night with the guns and pillows.  
"I'm good, c'mere pipsqueak" He hugged me and lifted me off the ground slightly. I gasped and wrapped my arms around him so that I didn't fall. He laughed and set me back down.   
"Where's a pillow when I need one?" I grumbled and he kissed my cheek.   
"Don't be like that sweetness. I was kidding, Oh hey Juice."   
"That didn't look like finding Gemma to me F/N."  
"Opie found me first, we were just catching up." I said   
"Gemma just left. Jax needed her to look after Abel I think." _Shit_.  
"Oh, Oh well, I can meet her later or tomorrow I guess." I turned to go back to my room when Juice gripped my arm. I flinched and looked up at him. "Yes?"   
"I wanted to show you my bike remember?" I nodded and turned to follow him. It made sense that he was with the blonde, she was small and pretty. I was just porky the abuse victim. "Her and I aren't together, she heard you coming and jumped on me." He said in a low voice.  
"That isn't my business Juice. You don't have to explain, I'm just sorry that I interrupted." I tried to sound normal.  
"I wanted to tell you though, I'm not with anyone." I nodded and Juice grabbed my chin gently. "I didn't want you to think that there is something there when there isn't."  
"Ok."   
"Do you like Opie? I saw him pick you up and kiss your cheek." He sounded off when he asked it.   
"Sure, Opie is a friend. He helped save me from hell remember?" He shook his head   
" _No_ Do you _like_ him?" I shook my head.  
"No I don't think of him that way. He thinks of me the same way, as just a friend."   
"Good, this is my bike." It's a Harley Davidson Dyna it has an M16 with a grim reaper scythe on the pole as the emblem. It was beautiful.  
"It's so _pretty_." He chuckled   
"Wanna go for a ride?" I nodded and looked up at him   
"Can we?" I asked excitedly and he handed me the extra helmet. He climbed on and I slid on after him.  
"Hold onto me ok? I don't wanna lose you off the back." I wrapped my arms around his waist and he started the bike and away we went. I'd never been on a motorcycle before but this is what I imagine being free to feel like.


	3. Chapter 3

Riding with Juice was an experience, he pushed the limits of safety but I wasn't scared. I could practically feel him calculating how each turn would turn out or if ducking between those two cars was safe. He made sure not to be to risky with me at first because he didn't want to scare me, and when he finally stopped I didn't want to get off.   
"It was to much wasn't it? I scared you didn't I?" He looked sad until I shook my head.  
"No, no! it was great, It feels like flying. Can we go again?"   
"You've never been on a bike before?" I shook my head and he smiled softly.  
"Where would you like to go next?"  
"Anywhere, I don't care. How do you ever ride in a car after being on this?" He laughed  
"I think you are a closet biker F/N, It's hard to get into a cage after riding for as long as I have, but I don't mind it for short periods of time." I nodded   
"Did you want to see something here?" He nodded and I slid out from behind him.  
"C'mere" He took my hand and tugged me over to the side of the shoulder. You could see all of Charming and everything around it. It was beautiful. He still had a hold on my hand. "I come here at night when all the lights are on because it reminds me of what we are trying to keep safe." I nodded and he shifted a little bit closer to me.   
"That makes sense, It's beautiful and so peaceful during the say, I bet its even better at night." He nodded "I know that this is a dumb question but are you doing ok? I know that it will take time after what you've been through to fully recover but you're doing alright right?" After a deep breath and a pause I responded.  
"I'm never going to be the same person that I was Juice, it's impossible but I am doing alright, I'm still terrified of everyone but Opie and Bobby. I feel the most comfortable and safe with you though. You seem to know when I need to be alone, or when I'm ok to be around people and for that I am grateful. I'll be able to be around people again I just need time to heal and get used to civilization again. I know that you being around me is probably bad for your image and all that but I'm glad that you and Opie saved me that day." He turned to face me and shook his head.   
"Bad for my image? I don't have an image, and even if I did how would being around you be bad for it?" I shook my head, he didn't understand. "No, tell me. You can't just shake me off F/N." I sighed again.  
"I'm not a pretty crow eater Juice, they look at me and think the wrong things when you are around me. They think that we... well that there is a we between us and they don't like it." He shook his head and looked me dead in they eye.  
"You think I care about a bunch of trashy crow eaters? Because I don't and no one has ever been able to make me feel like you do. When I saw you hanging there from that fence something woke up inside me that I thought was long dead. You make me feel things that I have never felt before, sure I want to keep the town safe but I want to keep _you_ safe, I want to protect you and make you happy, I want to see you laugh and I don't give a fuck if anyone doesn't like it. I know that you have been through fucking hell sweetheart, and that is changed you, but I don't care about that because you are strong, you are amazing, and I think that I was meant to save you because we need each other." He stepped closer to me and I had to tilt my head to keep eye contact. He was tall, maybe not as tall as Opie (He had to be 6'4 which was no wonder that he called my 5'5 self pipsqueak) but Juice was at least 5'11.   
"The first thing I noticed about you was your eyes, they were so kind and soft. I didn't understand at first because It had been so long since I had seen kindness. Opie seemed distraught and sad, but his eyes weren't kind like yours. I didn't feel scared of you, just nervous because I didn't know what you wanted from me, but you never wanted or took anything without asking. I keep waiting for the other show to drop or to make you mad enough that you will make me leave. I feel like I'm home when I'm with you, I forgot what that felt like until the morning I woke up beside you Juice and I'm glad that I can feel that because of you." He smiled at me before I continued. "But I don't know if I'll ever be normal again, I'm scared of everything and I have to give myself a fucking pep talk to even leave my room. I don't eat and I don't like to sleep because I'm terrified that this is all a dream and I'm going to wake up back there. I don't know how to be ok and I don't think that I can be what you want." My voice lost its power and I was whispering by the end. Juice just squeezed my hand and shook his head at me.  
"I am not asking you to be normal or ok, I'm asking for you to let me keep spending time with you. I'm not gonna force you into anything. _Ever_ but I will make you take care of yourself and that means eating and sleeping. This isn't a dream babe, you're safe and you're gonna be safe with me for the rest of your days I promise. So what if you have a hard time leaving your room, there are days that I never even leave my bed because I can't, I'm broken too sweetheart, so maybe I just want to help fill in your cracks and you can help me fill in mine? That's all I want from you, for you to let me help you and for you to help me and for both of us to be whole again." I nodded and smiled at him.   
"I think I'd like that."   
"Great." he leaned down and kissed my cheek. "Want me to show you some of my other favorite places?" I nodded and away we went.  
  
***** **A Few Weeks Later** *****  
  
Juice had been teaching me how to shoot when he got a call from Jax, he needed help with something so he had to take me back to the club house. I didn't mind though I know that the Sons are Juice's world and I respected that.   
"Hey mighty mouse, I thought you were with Juice?" I nodded and nudged him as he put his arm on top of my head.   
"I was but Jax needed him for something. What kind of trouble are you getting into?"   
"C'mon I'll show you." He lead me over to the TM garage and I stopped in my tracks.  
"Oh my God, Can I have it's babies? It's so beautiful" Opie chuckled   
" '69 Mustang, needs an oil change, you wanna help?" I nodded and touched it gently. Once Opie found out that I love old cars we bonded even more. He talked for hours with me about them. Opie gave me a tank top and shorts to put on so that I wouldn't get my new clothes dirty but I left my tank top on and tried not to notice all the scars on my legs. Thankfully my back had healed up and my muscles were getting stronger. Opie got a shock when he walked in on me changing once, he wanted to know how I got so many scars and I told him the truth. He just picked me up and hugged me for a solid 2 minutes and since then he is stuck to my side when he is at the club house.   
"Here, let me." I took the wrench and fit my smaller hand into the space to get the part off. Opie just smiled at me and shook his head.  
"Can do the books with Bobby, drinks with Gemma, loves to ride with Juice, and now you are changing oil with me. Is there anything you can't do?" I shrugged and then nodded.   
"I can't speak Klingon." I told him with a wry smile and he ruffled my hair.  
"Smart ass."   
"Ew Ope! you got me all freaking greasy!" I groaned and jumped up to smear grease on his face. He looked at me and gave me that 'you better run look.' I took off running from him and made it to the parking lot before he picked me up. I laughed and shrieked as he tickled me. "I-I'm sorry Opie sto- stop please!"   
"Jesus I thought you were being killed." Juice was standing there with a look of disbelief on his face.  
"Nope. She was being a punk and I had to get her back." Opie was still tickling me and I was giggling uncontrollably.   
"Opie I'll pee on you if you don't stop!" He propped me over his shoulder and started to spin. "Juice! Help me please?" I begged but he just shook his head and I noticed that he was standing next to a car not his bike. He pulled a car seat out of the back and Opie stopped.   
"Is that Abel? He got big" Juice nodded and Opie set me down. I sat on the ground from being so dizzy. Juice walked over and helped me up and we all went into the club house.  
"Jax needed a babysitter so he called me. I told him we would take him to my place and watch him for a while." He looked at me hopefully. I'd never been inside his place, I was a little scared to take that step, but maybe it was time.   
"Oh, um sure." I looked at Opie "Did you need more help from me?" He shook his head and smiled.   
"Nope, go babysit with your boyfriend." I looked at the ground and mumbled.   
"Shut up Sasquatch." I looked at Juice and he was grinning. "I'll go get my bag then." I had taken to carrying a backpack with my wallet, phone, a change of clothes and Opie's SAMCRO hoodie in it since Juice always wanted to go do something, including when he pushed me into a lake and realized that I can't swim. He insisted that I bring a change of clothes with me from now on and gave me one of his backpacks. We headed out and I realized that Juice didn't exactly live in Charming, he was on the outskirts of town before he turned onto his street. It was a dirt road surrounded by trees and it made me a little nervous, Juice sensed it and took my hand gently.  
"I know that it's a ways out but I don't like a lot of people in my space." I nodded if _anyone_ understood that it was me. It was a nice house looking house, floodlights flashed on when Juice pulled into the driveway and I saw that he kept his yard neat, he noticed me looking at his plants as he got Abel out of the back, I grabbed the diaper bag and my backpack before he could. "I like to grow things, none of the plants match but they are all cool looking when they bloom. I nodded and smiled as he led the way inside. There was a nice tiled entry way with a rack hanging on the wall, I figured he hung his cut on it and I was right, after he set Abel down he did just that.  
"C'mon, I'll show you where you can put that stuff." He took my hand in his and led me through the house giving me a quick tour. "Living room (Nice black suede couch and matching chairs, wood coffee table and a nice tv mounted to the wall), Guest room (He pointed at a closed door), Abel's room (all wooden furniture, light blue walls, motorcycle mobile hanging from the ceiling) Abel stays here a lot" he explained as he took the diaper bag from me and put it on the changing table. He put the sleeping baby in the crib and led down the rest of the hallway. "Guest bathroom (he pointed out it was nice and neat, black rugs and white towels tied that black and white tiled floor together) My room." He said when we got to the door at the end of the hall, I paused and looked up at him. "You can set your bag in here if you want? I figured we could watch tv in here since it is closer to Abel." I nodded and stepped inside. He had a king sized bed, he likes dark colors since everything was black or dark blue, his pillows and comforter were a dark blue, the headboard was dark wood and had cabinets with reapers carved into them. His night stands matched the headboard and I could tell he liked the right side because it was cluttered. His dresser matched the rest of the furniture and took up the wall opposite the bed, he had a large tv sitting on it along with a dvd player and the shelves beside the tv held his movies and books. He had rings, watches, and other clutter on the rest of the dressers surface.   
"You spend a lot of time in here huh?" He nodded and sat on the bed.   
"I like the rest of the house but this is my comfort zone. No one ever comes in here except for me, well and now you."  
"You don't let anyone in here?" He shook his head. _Oh_. "We can watch tv in the living room, I don't want to intrude on your inner sanctum or anything." I smiled nervously and he chuckled.  
"Nah here's good, you aren't intruding on anything. I'm gonna change and then we can watch a movie?" I nodded "You wanna get changed too? You can have the bathroom." He pointed to a door beside his dresser that I thought was the closet. "I took out the closet and put in a bathroom, that's why my dresser is so big." I smiled and nodded that made sense.   
I took off my plaid shirt and slid Opie's hoodie over my head, then I pulled on the pink SAMCRO yoga pants Gemma insisted that I get. I never planned on wearing them so I packed them in my bag for an emergency. I guess a movie night was an emergency. I came out of the bathroom and saw Juice in just his basketball shorts.   
"Oops sorry!" I covered my eyes and he laughed.  
"Never fear, I'm decent now" He had pulled on a wife beater and he was smiling at me. "You're cute when you're nervous." I stuck my tongue out at him and looked for a place to put my bag down. "Here, I'll set it on your side." I had a side? I guess so since he put it on the left nightstand. "What movie do you wanna watch?" He came around and nudged me over to the shelves. I shrugged he had a lot of movies. I picked one and handed it to him. "Awesome." It was V for Vendetta.  
  
After about 20 minutes Abel started to cry and Juice went to get him. I felt weird sitting in his bed without him so I went to see if I could help. He was sitting in the chair rocking and feeding Abel, He looked so cute so I pulled out my phone and snapped a picture as he looked up and smiled.   
"Hey no flash photography please." I shook my head  
"Too late, Its already done." I whispered and walked over to look at the baby. He was looking around while he ate and he smiled when he saw me. "Hi baby, you are so handsome huh?" He wiggled and waved his hands around. He fell asleep a little while later and Juice put him back to bed.   
"I love that kid, he is such a champ and has been through so much." I nodded and remembered what he told me about being born with his heart problem, then getting kidnapped and taken to Belfast.   
"He is quiet a bad ass." Juice nodded and we went to finish the movie. An hour or so later I heard Abel start to cry and looked at Juice, we had both fallen asleep and since I heard him I got up to go check on him. "Hi there honey, whasa matter huh? You need some new pants?" Oh, yes he did. Little dude was _ripe_. I found everything I needed in the diaper bag and changed him with relative ease, thankfully he didn't try to pee on me. He didn't look tired anymore so I sat down with him and decided to rock him. I talked to him for a few minutes and then I decided to sing to him. Make it Rain by Ed Sheeran. I was on the second go around of it when I heard the sound of a camera shutter and I looked up to see Juice.   
"Please no flash photography sir." I mimicked him from earlier and he just shook his head at me. I got up and Put Abel back in the crib since he had been asleep since I had started rocking him.  
"You look good with him." Juice said in a sleepy voice. I smiled and took his hand to lead him back to bed.   
"Thanks, you looked good with him too. When is Jax coming to get him?"  
"Tomorrow morning sometime." He mumbled   
"Oh, I'm gonna call Ope to come get me then, Abel should sleep through the night now." He frowned  
"Nooo, Stay. Please, I won't bug you i swear." I smiled and looked at his scrunched up face before I sighed.  
"Alright, you want me in the guest room?" He gripped my hand and tugged me onto the bed. _Alright then_. I shimmied out of the hoodie so it wouldn't choke me and rolled over to 'my side'. I felt Juice moving around and then he wrapped and arm around me and sighed into my hair.   
"This's nice." He kissed my head and relaxed against me. _It really is_.  
  
I woke up and Juice wasn't in bed so I decided to go looking for him. He was in the kitchen with Jax and Tara.   
"Hey F/N." Tara smiled at me and got up to give me a hug.  
"Hey." I patted her back awkwardly. Jax was looking at Juice with a sly smile.   
"I didn't think you let people into your house Juice? Something about messing up the Chi?"  
"The Chi is still fine I think. Don't you have better things to be doing then giving me a hard time?" Note to self he was cranky in the mornings.   
"Yeah, I gotta go to TM, you want me to give you a ride F/N"   
"Uhm sure, Let me get dressed really quick." I turned and heard an intake of breath. **Fuck!** I forgot that I was wearing a tank top and my back was on display. I bolted down the hall and got dressed.   
Juice was sitting on his bed when I came out. I couldn't really look at him so he sighed. "Hey, It wasn't a big deal. Tara is just being dumb ok? I think it is bad ass." I looked up at him.  
"Juicy means something different to you, it is a nickname, a name of endearment. To me it is a-a reminder that people held me captive for a good chunk of time because they liked to mock and use me."  
"That might be right, but I am biased I see it and you with endearment because I care for you. Yes the reason you have it is fucking brutal and awful. But at least you are here now and I can keep you safe." I went and sat next to him, leaning my head against his shoulder.  
"I always knew that you were nuts. This just confirmed it." I let out a long sigh and he laughed.   
"Well, you're still here so I guess that means you like it... I sent Jax and Tara home, I wanted to take you shooting again since we never finished?" I nodded   
"That sounds like fun." He kissed my cheek and went to get dressed.


	4. Chapter 4

Juice was meticulous about how he taught me to shoot. He wanted me to know how to work every single part of the gun, how to clean it, take it apart, put it back together, and how to load the clip. Then he critiqued my stance until it was perfect and I had that down, before he let me shoot the gun. It was very scary at first, I was afraid of it and Juice knew that so he made me get comfortable with it in his own way. He made sure that I how to hold it when I wasn't aimed and how to put on and take off the safety so that I wouldn't have to be afraid of it.   
"So, um there is this club party this weekend and I was wondering if you wanted to go with me?" He asked me after he thought I was don't for the day and I paused and looked up at him.   
"Um sure, what are we celebrating?" He smiled  
"We just like to party and Gemma was feeling like having one."  
"That sounds like fun, I'll have to ask Gemma if I can do anything to help." He wrapped an arm around me and kissed my head.   
"I think that's a great idea sweetheart, that's really nice of you." We went back to the club house and I went to find Gemma, she wasn't in the office and I saw Opie working on a car so I went to say hi.   
"Excuse me sir you're doing that wrong." I said in a deep voice he jumped and turned around.   
"Hey Fu- Hi pipsqueak!" I laughed   
"You were about to be rude to me weren't you?" He nodded and looked sheepish  
"I thought you were one of the guys fuckin' with me."   
"Nope. Just me, I was looking for Gemma but I think she is at the club house." he nodded   
"Did you hear about the party?" I nodded   
"Yeah Juice told me, I was gonna ask Gemma if she needed help, that's why I was looking for her."   
"He _told_ you or he _asked_ you?"   
"Uh he asked if I would go with him?" I replied confused. He grinned and nodded.   
"Aw is it a date?" He teased me and I just looked at him.  
"I-I don't think so? Is it?" I hadn't thought about that. I just thought he invited me as friends.  
"I dunno probably. You two are practically dating anyway."   
"Yeah sure, Juice is totally into all of this." I chuckled and motioned to myself with a shake of my head. "You're funny Ope, anyway I'm gonna go find Gemma."  
"Hey F/N!" He called out and I looked back at him. "All of that... is pretty great so stop selling yourself short." He gave me a serious look and I just nodded. I bumped into a solid warm wall and heard a "Hey!" I looked up and saw Juice.   
"Oh I'm sorry Juice! I didn't see you." I backed away from him and he nodded.   
"Its fine don't worry sweetheart, what were you rushing away from?" I shrugged and Opie answered   
"I was teasing her about your party date." Juice looked at me  
"He said it was a date, not me." I mumbled and looked at the floor.   
"He's just jealous because I asked you out first." I looked up and saw Opie flush a little. _Oh_  
"I'm gonna go look for Gemma." I walked away from both of them and over to the club house. There wasn't anyone in the dorms so I went to the main room and I found her talking with Bobby.   
"Hey darlin' how are you?" I smiled and walked over.   
"Hey Bobby I'm doin' alright, how are you?" He nodded and I looked over at Gemma. "Juice told me about the party and I wanted to ask if you needed any help?" She smiled and nodded  
"Sure baby, I'll let you know if I think of anything." I smiled and nodded.   
"Oh, I finished the papers you gave me Bobby" I went around the bar to get them and he chuckled.   
"Gemma we need to keep her, we're over half way done with all the books and its only been a month."  
"I might just make her my old lady" she joked and we both laughed.   
"I'll have to tell Clay that you love her that much" The outer door opened and another group of guys came in. There were a few men that I didn't recognize from around the club house so I took a step back. I still wasn't good around new people. Jax came up and kissed his mom and to my surprise he leaned down and kissed my cheek too.   
"Hey darlin' how are you?" I smiled and nodded at him, the other guys were looking at me curiously, I rolled my sleeves down self consciously and Jax noticed. "Guys, this is F/N, F/N this is Happy (Tall, shaved head, lots of tattoos and he was intense), Chibs (salt and pepper longer hair, had scars on his cheeks, and had kind eyes), Half sack (Young, scrawny, and he was all smiles), and Clay (gray hair in a buzz cut, looked like he didn't smile a lot, and he carried himself like a military man, he gave off a serious vibe too). Tig came up and hugged me, we had talked a few times since that first day and while he was a strange one, I knew that he wouldn't mean to scare me. Everyone nodded except for Clay he came up to me and hugged me. "Gemma told me that you tried to save her, _thank you_ " He mumbled in my ear and I nodded.   
"Is she an old lady?" the young one, Half sack asked and I shook my head.   
"No, but she gets treated like one." Clay said and everyone nodded. I took an involuntary step back and found that I wasn't pressed against the bar anymore. I gave a small smile and turned to leave.   
"Hey sweetheart can you watch Abel for me later? Tara has to work and I will be working in the garage."  
"Sure, I would love to, just let me know when you want me to pick him up." He nodded and told me an hour.   
"How long have you been here F/N" asked a Scottish accent and I looked at who said it, Chibs.   
"Um about a month now I think." He nodded and looked at the door as Juice came in. "Juicy!" I winced and ducked my head.   
"Hey Chibs, welcome back man." He went around and hugged everyone before he came and wrapped an arm around me. "You ok?" He mumbled in my ear as he kissed the side of my head. I nodded at him.   
"I thought that she wasn't an old lady." Half sack said and Juice looked at him.   
"She's not, yet. But that doesn't mean she's free either." Half sack looked uncomfortable and shuffled his feet.   
"Um Jax asked her to watch Abel in an hour but if you are gonna drag her off to your cave like a cave man maybe he should make other plans." Gemma called and I laughed.   
"I think we are safe from that Gem, No worries." I shrugged his arm off and walked to my room. About a half hour later there was a knock on my door. "It's open!" I called and the bald one, Happy came in. "Uh hi" He looked at me and raised up his shirt, he had burns like mine and I rolled up my sleeves again to show him. He nodded and rolled up his shirt to show me all the ones on his torso and turned to show me his back he had a lot of scars. I sighed and rolled up my shirt to show him my back. I guess this was his way of saying hello.   
"That's not a tribute to Juice is it?" I shook my head and turned to show him the scars littering my chest and stomach before I pulled my shirt back down. "I'm Happy. If you want them killed I can do that for you." He said in a serious tone, I believed him.  
"I'm F/N, If you want to hang out with someone who is terrified of people and knows about cars let me know." He smiled and nodded.  
"I'll take you up on that." He left and I followed him out after I grabbed my backpack.   
"There she is!" Juice called out to me and I walked over to him.  
"Hey." He was sitting by Chibs and I smiled at him. "Is Jax around? I gotta go get Abel and I need to know where he's at."   
"I'm gonna take you to get him in the truck. I borrowed Gemma's car seat." I nodded and left him to finish talking to Chibs.  
"Hey F/N." I looked up at Half sack, he was tall but being that he was so puppy like I didn't really notice.   
"Uh hey."   
"You having a good day?" I nodded and he smiled "Do you like hanging out here?" I nodded again. "You don't say much do you?"   
"Not really." He smiled and asked  
"How did you end up here?" I froze and looked away from him.   
"That's a long story Half sack and it really isn't your business right now." Juice said as he came up behind me and nudged me towards the truck.   
"How will I explain that to people when they ask?" I hadn't thought about it.   
"We'll think of something sweetheart don't worry." He squeezed my hand before he drove off. "It'll be fine."   
"Whats an old lady?"   
"Its the wife or girlfriend of a club member. Like Gemma is Clay's old lady."  
"Oh, why was that such a big deal to Half sack?"   
"Because if you weren't an old lady then the guys can flirt with you." I scoffed.  
"Yeah right, I don't think that's it." He looked at me and shook his head.  
"You're pretty F/N, beautiful even. You just don't see it."  
"And here I thought that you would never lie to me." I teased him and he groaned at me as we pulled in to Jax's drive way for Abel. Tara opened the door with the baby on her hip and Abel reached out for me. I took him and kissed his cheeks. "Hi handsome I missed you!"   
"He loves you F/N you should think about having a kid of your own." I smiled at Tara and shrugged.   
"If its meant to be it will be I guess." Was all I said, Juice took the diaper bag and we headed back to the clubhouse.  
  
**** **The Day Of The Party** ****  
  
Gemma had left me in charge of deliveries, Whenever someone came to drop something off I checked it before they left to make sure it was right. She said that she couldn't do it herself because Tara needed her to help with Abel this morning and she trusted me with the job. It wasn't that hard when I knew what to look for. The last delivery just arrived, the kegs and alcohol and then Juice wanted me to go with him for a haircut. I didn't know why he wanted me to go but I wasn't gonna say no to spending time with him. I went to the garage and found Opie instead of Juice. He was talking with Happy by a 1967 Chevy Impala and I nearly wet myself.   
"Opie, I can't marry you. I have to marry this car and have it's babies." I rubbed the hood and Happy laughed at me.  
"You can marry me and the car, and have both our babies?" I looked at him and winked.   
"Sure thing Hap."  
"I see how it is, I leave you alone for an hour and you've already replaced me." Juice pouted and rolled out from under the car.   
"Sorry dear but Hap said that he would share me with the car, so maybe he won't mind sharing me with you?" Happy frowned and shook his head.   
"Juice asked her out first or else she would be mine and I wouldn't share" Opie said and came to kiss my cheek.  
"Aw that is so sweet of you Sasquatch I love you too." He grinned and Happy gave me a look.   
"You're with Juice?"   
"Uh No." I said as Juice and Opie said  
"Yes." What?   
"Oh, that clears it up. two out of three say yes so I guess you're Juices old lady now." He smiled and I shrugged.   
"I guess so then." I joked and turned to Juice. "I'm ready to go with you now, all the deliveries are done." He nodded and wiped his hands on his pants.   
"You didn't tell me that you and Happy were close?" He said as we walked to his bike, I looked at him and shrugged  
"How do you figure that?"   
"He was talking in actual sentences, he _only_ does that to people he really cares about."   
"We kind of bonded over scars I guess. He saw the ones on my arms then came to my room later for an i'll show you mine if you show me yours kind of thing." Juice just looked at me. "What?"  
"You bonded with Happy? The guy is the scariest member of the club, but don't tell him I said that." I nodded and smiled.   
"He is a sweetheart under all that sadistic rage Juice. He hugged me and offered to kill the people that hurt me."   
"Well he totally would."  
  
I was almost done getting ready for the party when there was a knock on my door. "Just a minute" I swiped on a coat of mascara and went to get the door. It was Juice and he looked _hot_. "Wow, you clean up nicely." I dressed a little fancy as well and he just stared at me. "What?"  
"You look beautiful."   
"Aw thank you handsome." I didn't know what to say.   
"You ready?" I nodded, he took my hand and we headed out to the party. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, the music wasn't to loud and I knew most of the people there, except for wives and crow eaters, that was a nice surprise. I was content to let Juice drag me around as he talked with people until I saw Opie at the pool table. I tugged on Juice's hand and pointed at Opie before I left him to talk.   
"You wanna play?"I said when I got to Ope. He nodded and started to rack the balls.  
"I'll go easy on you." He said and I laughed.  
"Oh honey, I know how to play. But if you're lucky I might let you win." He threw back his head and laughed.   
"Whats funny Ope, did it say it wasn't hungry?" I looked up and saw the blonde crow eater. I shifted and looked at the ground.  
"What did you just say?" Opie asked and put down his stick.   
"It was a joke Opie, the cow not saying she was hungry would make anyone laugh like that." I felt my face burn and Opie got mad.  
"Shut up, you don't know anything about her."   
"I know that she probably met a doughnut that she didn't like, why is she even here no one wants to look at that." She said with disgust I didn't have anything to say so I just stood there.   
"Fuck off you dumb slut, She is a fuckin' rock star you you do nothing but gargle balls on a nightly basis, you shouldn't even be here speaking to us, we don't want you.   
"She isn't an old lady, and even if she was I would still say those things because she will _never_ be good enough for anyone. She should be embarrassed and if I looked like her I would have killed myself by now." I felt tears gather in my eyes and I turned around and walked away. I walked outside, and just kept going until I felt like I had to stop. I was at Juice's thinking spot and I sat down on the ground and cried. I didn't know how long i'd been there until I heard Juice yelling at me.  
"F/N? what are you doing here?" He yelled as he got off his bike.  
"I'm doing what I do best. Hiding." He picked me up and set me on my feet.   
"One minute you were there and the next you were gone, I've been looking for you for hours."  
"You should have stayed at the party, I just want to be alone." I pulled back when he went to wrap an arm around me. "You should go back." He shook his head.  
"Tell me what happened?" I shook my head.  
"Just go away Juice, I'm nothing to you and we both know it so please just leave me alone. I'll never be good enough for anyone but especially not for you, you should have left me in that warehouse to die. I would have been better off."   
"Don't you dare say that again F/N. I have never regretted saving you from that life and I don't now. You aren't good enough? Says who? I'm in love with you and I never thought that day would come. I'm not gonna leave you, or go back to that party because my _date_ bailed on me."  
"You what?"  
"I love you F/N." And Juice leaned down to press his lips against mine. _Oh_.   
" What happens if I can't do this?" I asked when he pulled back, motioning between his body and mine. He smiled  
"You can, we can figure this out together. I'm not going anywhere." I nodded at him and he leaned down to kiss me again.


	5. Chapter 5

"Yes, Opie I'm fine."   
' _Are you sure because I can find a way to make her disappear?_ '  
"No, Opie I'm over it really. Don't start planning any murders." Juice looked up at me in confusion and I just shook my head at him.  
' _I can help him F/N it'll be fun!_ '  
"Oh, hi Happy, that really isn't necessary. Please just let it go you guys."   
' _But there is this thing with acid-_ '  
"Oh my God! No, Acid? C'mon Happy I think that- um that should be used for someone who really deserves it." Juice was fully focused on me now. he mouthed 'what the fuck?' and I grimaced. "Ya know what guys, I'm gonna go- I'm safe and at Juice's so no one needs to worry ok?"  
' _Why didn't you come back here?_  
"Um- Well Juice and I had a lot to talk about and Its just easier to stay here Ope. Nothing to worry about."   
' _Alright, get some rest ok, I'll yell at you tomorrow for leaving in the dark alone. Love you._ ' I smiled   
"I will, I love you guys too."   
"What the hell was that? Acid? and since when does Happy talk on the phone?" I shrugged  
"They were worried about me, and Happy said there was this thing with acid that he could use on that girl but I think he was just kidding. I told him that he could save that for later." I hoped he was kidding.   
"I don't think that he was kidding but that's ok, I like that he has your back, I just have to remember that he will break mine if you ever tell him too." I chuckled "But that would never happen right?" I didn't say anything as I went to go change for bed. "Right?!"   
"Oh, of course not honey." I patted his arm complacently. He didn't look like he believed me but nodded anyway. He was changed into his usual basketball shorts and wife beater when I got back.  
"You wanna watch a movie?"   
"Uh sure. Whatever you want." I sat on the edge of the bed and he smiled.   
"Whatever I want? I think I have my little pony in here somewhere."   
"I always knew you were a closet brony." He laughed and shook his head.  
"I look like the brony type to you?" I nodded and he scowled at me as he put in a movie. "Are you sure about that?" I nodded again and he sighed. "Well I never wanted it to come to this but now you know my secret. I guess I'll have to kill you now." He put on a sad expression and walked closer to me and started to tickle me.   
"Juice! St-stop it, I hate being ti-tickled please!" I said between giggles. "I wont t-tell anyone you're a brony I-I swear!" He stopped suddenly and smiled.  
"Well why didn't you just say so. This whole thing could have been avoided." He shook his head and I sighed.  
"You're as bad as Opie, he always tickles me." I mock glared at him. "Are you gonna yell at me for leaving the party too?" I wondered.   
"You shouldn't have left by yourself, especially not at night but I'm not gonna yell at you over it. Just don't do it again ok? If you're upset come talk to me or if you want to leave take a prospect or one of the guys." I nodded and he patted the spot next to him. "C'mere. Lets watch this movie" I nodded and moved to lay near him.  
  
It seemed like me waking up before Juice was a pattern, but I couldn't get up because his arm was holding me against him and his leg was wrapped through mine. I never thought he would be a cuddler. I wiggled trying to move and he grunted at me.  
"Keep moving like that and you'll end up getting poked in the back" He mumbled and I chuckled.  
"Oops, I was trying to get up." He shook his head at me and squeezed me tighter.   
"Nope, can't have that." He buried his face in my hair and took a deep breath. "You smell like apples." I nodded   
"It's my shampoo, country apple. Gemma thought it was a peaceful scent." He nodded and kissed my shoulder.   
"Morning beautiful." I smiled. He told me that he loved em, I didn't know if I was still able to do that, but I was willing to find out.  
"Morning baby. Do you want me to go make coffee?" He shook his head.  
"Were, staying here today." I laughed and shook my head.   
"I can't I gotta go help Bobby with more books and Opie will wanna make sure I'm ok."   
"Yeah, you and Opie are uh really close." I nodded and turned to look at him.   
"Yeah but that isn't a bad thing right? I mean you both saved me that day and I feel safe with both of you." He nodded  
"Right, I'm glad that he is there for you, that you're friends." He gave me a small smile and I nodded. Was he _jealous?_  
"Yep, friends. I spend the most of my time with you when you're at the club house, and I've never been to Opie's house." I kissed his cheek and he smiled even bigger.   
"So you want me to get up and get dressed just to take you home?" I nodded "That's gonna cost you."  
"What's it worth to ya?" I asked him.  
"A real date since our first one got messed up."   
"Oh, well I guess that can be arranged."   
"It won't be anything to crazy, I promise." I nodded and he got up to get dressed. He dropped me off at TM and then went by the weed shop to check in since he hadn't been there in a while. Bobby gave me my papers and I went to my room to work on them and shower. Right as I was getting in the shower there was a knock on my door. I went to open it and it was Opie.  
"Hey! C'mon in. I was gonna take a shower but if you want to hang out you can." He nodded   
"Tig is driving me nuts and If I'm in here he wont come looking for me." I nodded and went to take my shower. Tig never came to my room, he was always afraid that he would make me nervous. After I was working on the books for Bobby and Opie was playing with my hair for some reason, He always tells me how soft it is. "Is that my hoodie?" I nodded  
"You let me borrow it when I first got here and I decided that you can't have it back" He laughed  
"How does Juice feel about that?" I shrugged   
"I don't think he has seen me in it actually." There was a knock on the door. "It's open" I called and Juice came in, he stopped when he saw Opie sprawled on my bed. "Hey Clay was looking for you Ope." Opie got up and mumbled an 'I'll see you two later'  
" I was coming to see if you wanted to hang out but I guess you're busy." I shook my head   
"No I was just working on the books, Ope was hiding from Tig."   
"You're working?.. In Opie's hoodie with him wrapped around you?... Sure." He looked mad?   
"No really, He came to hang out before I took a shower and I told him he could stay Juice."   
"You took a shower with him here?" His voice was getting louder. "Look, I get that you guys are close but when you say you want to go on a date with me, you can't shower with another guy."  
"Juice I didn't shower _with_ him. I told you what happened." I stood up and looked at him. "We talked about this earlier, Opie and I are _friends_.   
"Yeah but you aren't acting like 'friends' right now, you're acting like you fucked him or something." I took a step back from him when he stepped forward.   
"Maybe you should stop being insecure Juice. I wouldn't do that and you of all people should know that."  
" _I'm insecure?_ you're one to talk F/N. You think so little of yourself that you can't even tell that he's in love with you!" He shouted and I flinched, then I got mad.   
"I don't have to put up with your shit Juice! Believe me or don't believe me but I wont have you talking to me like that. Go find some trashy crow eater to calm you down and leave me the hell alone." I yelled at him.  
"Maybe I will, then you and Opie can live happily ever fucking after."   
"Fuck off Juice." I said as he walked out and slammed the door behind him. What the fuck was his problem? I didn't so anything wrong. I sighed and sad on my bed. I knew that I couldn't do this.  
  
***** **A Week Later** *****  
  
Avoiding Juice was easy when he didn't want to be around me either. I finished a months worth of books with all my left over time, and I spent some time with Happy at the shooting range. He wanted to see what I could do with a gun and he was impressed with me. Opie asked me where Juice was and I just shrugged.  
"Doing his own thing I guess, I dunno."   
"What happened I thought you were attached at the hip." So I told him what happened in a detached voice and he shook his head.   
"I love you F/N but not like that. No offense but you're like my little sister." I nodded  
"No Ope, I see you as a brother, not that you're not great and all because you are but I don't have romantic feelings for you." He nodded frantically.  
"Do you want me to talk to Juice." I shook my head   
"No, He if he can't see that I love him then I don't want to be around him. I know he's been here and has managed to avoid me and that is working out fine." Opie sighed and nodded.   
"He really fucked up didn't he."   
"Yeah, I thought he knew me better then anyone but I guess I was wrong. I told him that I didn't think I could do the relationship thing but 'You can, We'll figure it out together' He said. Ha! yeah we're really together right now." I said with a bitter laugh.   
"It'll be fine, he'll figure his shit out and come see you." I shrugged and didn't respond for a minute.   
"Its whatever, I'm gonna go work on the books in my room, I'll catch you later." I was heading down the hallway not paying attention when I bumped into someone. _Juice_ we both just looked at each other. "My bad" I mumbled and looked away from him.  
"N-no, I wasn't looking." He stuttered and I waited for him to move. when he didn't I looked up.   
"Was heading to my room." I muttered and he started walking towards his end of the dorm. I hurried to my room and shut the door without looking back, I didn't want to see him walk away from me again. Later that day Half sack came to bug me, wanted to go for a ride and wanted some company but I told him I wasn't up for it. I only ever rode with Juice but he didn't need to know that. So when about 2 hours later there was another knock I yelled   
"Go away Half sack I don't want a ride!"   
"It's not Half sack." Crap.   
"Well I don't wanna talk to you either Juice." It was easier to talk to him when I didn't have to look at his face.  
"Too bad, I talked to Ope. He told me the truth." I shook my head  
"You should have known the truth you asshole, Opie shouldn't have had to tell you!" I was still mad huh.   
"I'm coming in, don't shoot me." Damn me for not locking the door.  
"I told you that I didn't want to talk to you." I said in a cold tone when he walked in.  
"Well then you don't have to talk, but I want to apologize. I'm sorry that I thought you were sleeping with Ope, I knew that you weren't but I got jealous. You're closer to him than to anyone else and I didn't know he only thought of you like family. I only saw what I wanted to see and I should have listened to you. Also I'm sorry that I yelled at you and said some things that I shouldn't have said. I know that you're pissed at me and you have a right to be, but I can't keep avoiding you anymore. So please just yell at me or whatever then forgive me? I have had the shittiest week without you and I miss you." I sighed and looked away from him. I had missed him too, and I know that he probably feels like shit but I am still mad at him.  
"Look, I'll get over it but I am still mad at you Juice, you know me better than anyone and I thought that you would be able to see that I care about you _only_ you. I am insecure and I know that. I own it and that isn't going to change but you said that we would figure this-" I motioned between us "-out together and the first time you got upset you bailed on me, that doesn't set a good start to this. What happens if I make you mad or you get jealous again? Are you gonna throw your ability to get a crow eater in my face again and leave for another week?" He grimaced and looked at the ground.  
"No, I know that I handled this all wrong and I went the wrong way about it. I promise that I'll try to remember that we are in this together and that running away isn't an option. I- can we just have like a reset and pretend it never happened?"   
"No, but since I love you so much I guess I'll let it slide. _But_ If you leave for a week again like that I'm having Happy get the acid out." He just looked at me for a second.  
"Say that again?"   
"What the acid-"  
"No the other part." _Oh_  
"Oh, I love you?" He grinned and walked closer to me.  
"You do?" I nodded and he took another step closer.   
"I love you too." I looked up at him and he reached out to put his hand on my cheek. "I really missed you this week."   
"I missed you too" He leaned down and kissed me softly before pulling me into a hug.   
"Let's not do that again huh?" I laughed and nodded   
"Sounds good to me"


	6. Chapter 6

Opie came to check on me then next day and Juice opened the door. He looked surprised but happy to see him there. "Hey." He said awkwardly   
"Uh hey." Juice said.  
"Hi Opie!" I said cheerily and nudged Juice out of the way. "Need some help?" He shook his head  
"I was coming to check on you, you didn't eat yesterday and I know that you weren't sleeping and I just wanted to make sure you were alright. I gave him a look.  
"I'm fine Ope. Stop worrying about me."  
"You didn't eat?" I sighed and looked at Juice.   
"I wasn't hungry." I gave Opie a dirty look. "Opie's being dramatic. I'm fine."  
"I am not! you yell at me when I don't look out for myself, why can't I do the same for you?"  
"I don't wave blow torches around! nor do I have long facial hair that could catch fire so don't start with me _Harry_ " He winced and looked away from me. Juice started to chuckle and I looked at him. "You're one to laugh Juice, you don't eat either."   
"We were talking about you." I shook my head and crossed my arms across my chest.  
"Oh look at the time I'm late." I grabbed my hoodie, slid it on and tried to duck between Opie and the door. He grabbed the hood and hauled me back. I whined "Opieee stop it!" He nudged me towards Juice and looked at him   
"She's your girlfriend, you deal with it." He closed the door and walked away. I sighed and looked up at Juice   
"Alright, let me have it." He laughed and shook his head.   
"I'm not gonna nag at you, you'll eat when you want to." He kissed my cheek and I leaned up to kiss him softly. "See? This is why I love you."   
"Is that the only reason?" I shook my head   
"No there is more but I don't have the list with me." He looked amused and nodded at me.  
  
I had given Bobby the books I finished and he told me I had a few days free, the rest of the books were in storage and he had to go get them so Juice asked if I wanted to stay with him for a few days and I agreed. We were chilling on his couch that night when he mentioned  
"We never did get to have that date night." I nodded and shrugged.  
"Things came up, it's not an issue." I really didn't care that much.  
"Um yes it is, I wanted to take you out." I rolled my eyes and looked at him.  
"Well what did you have in mind?"   
"I was thinking that we could go to the movies or something?" I nodded  
"Sure, whatever you want."   
"Whatever I want?" He looked excited and I eyed him wearily.   
"Well... What did you have in mind?"   
"My little pony is playing!" I busted up laughing and shook my head at him.  
"Oh my god. Really? Did you plan that out just so you could talk about my little pony?" He shook his head.  
"It just worked out that way." We agreed that we would go see a movie that started at 6 and went to get ready. I used the guest bathroom to take a shower and was surprised when Juice brought me a bottle of my shampoo and conditioner.   
"You didn't have to do that, I could have just used yours."  
"If you're gonna be here like I want you to be, then you need to have your own stuff here." I smiled at him, he wanted me to be around!  
"That's sweet of you, thank you."   
"You ain't seen nothing yet, I'm sweet as a candy shop." I looked at him with a raised eyebrow.   
"Yeah that was pretty bad, forget I said that." He looked embarrassed.   
"Sure thing skittles." And on that note I went to get ready to go. The movie wasn't so bad, it was about zombies and the apocalypse, all in all a good combination of corny horror, and implied gore. Juice found it more funny than anything else, I also found out that Juice was a very touchy guy. Sure he held my hand sometimes and gave me hugs but once we took that relationship step he always was touching some part of me. I found that instead of it unnerving me I really liked it.   
"That was a great kind of terrible." Juice said to me once the movie was over.   
"I found it more funny then scary to be honest." He nodded and leaned over to kiss my cheek.   
"Isn't that cute, you're a lucky man she is _juicy_. I froze, I knew that voice. I turned and saw familiar dark eyes and I paled.   
"Uh yeah, thanks I guess." Juice replied and the man smirked and walked up the aisle towards the doors. Juice looked at me and saw my expression. "What's wrong babe?" I shook my head.   
"N-nothing, um whats the plan now?"   
"Tell me what happened?" I just shook my head but he didn't look like he was going to drop it so i said "Who has ever called me juicy?" His eyes narrowed and he jumped over the row of seats and raced down the aisle to the door. "Juice wait!" I ran after him cursing myself. I shouldn't have said anything.   
He standing outside by the parking lot when I got to him. "Why didn't you say something when he was in front of us?" He demanded   
"I-i froze Juice, I didn't- I couldn't say anything." I stuttered and took a step away from him. "I never saw his face and it's not like cock was in my face." I got defensive and I know that I shouldn't have.   
"No, no I know that, I'm sorry sweetheart. I'm sorry." He reached out to take my hand and I gave him a small smile. "I really am, I wasn't thinking."   
"It's fine, It doesn't matter Juice. I just want to forget about it ok?" He nodded and we headed back to his house. There was a box on the porch when he pulled in and he seemed excited.   
"So, I had something made for you and I hope that you like it." He dug into the box and pulled out a motorcycle helmet. It was a silver color with black and dark blue designs. On the sides in black there were markings that matched the ones tattooed on Juices head and in dark blue it had a crow drawn on it in tribal markings. "That's my crow." he said and I looked up at him.  
"It's beautiful, I love it. Thank you." He smiled and then it clicked "Wait.. your crow?"   
"Yeah, will you wear my crow? Be my old lady?"   
"Yeah, I'd like that." He grinned and I smiled back at him. "I'm not guaranteeing that I'll be any good at it though so you can't blame me if I'm a terrible old lady." He shook his head.  
"You don't get it, I'm not gonna treat you any different baby, and everyone else already treated you like an old lady, they all love you already."  
  
***** **A Few Weeks Later** *****  
  
I was spending some time with Opie in the garage when Clay came storming in. "F/N can I talk to you?" I nodded and i followed him into the office. "Juice told me that you saw one of the men who uh held you and Gemma, do you know who it was?" I shook my head I didn't want to talk about this. "Have you seen him since then?" I shook my head and he got frustrated. "Say something!" he shouted and I backed away from him.   
"I don't know him, I've never seen him before or since and I hope that I never do again."   
"This isn't about you, he hurt my wife!"  
"No offense Clay but he hurt her once. He raped and tortured me with three of his friends for _months_. If Gemma needs closure then I'll try harder but if this is you on some power kick then you can go to hell."I turned and went to walk away when he grabbed my shoulder and pinned me to the wall.  
"Gemma doesn't know what she wants she says that she has moved on but she hasn't. I know that she hasn't."  
"Clay you need to let me go. You're hurting me and I think that you should trust Gemma when she says she is ok." I was trying to wiggle around to get away from him when he slammed me against the wall and lifted me up off the floor.   
"No! you're gonna tell me what I want to know!" He shouted and I didn't realize that I had cried out until Opie busted into the office and pulled Clay off of me.  
"Clay what the hell are you doing?" I slid to the floor and put my head against my knees.   
"I'm sorry, F/N I didn't mean to do that, I just-" He reached out the touch me and I flinched away from him. "I just wanted to help Gemma."   
"I understand that Clay but I can't help you. I'm sorry but I can't, You might think that I don't want to, but I just can't. I never saw their faces, they were in ski masks and never used names. They were using me to send a message to my mother's husband. 'Blacks and whites don't mix' but they kept me for their entertainment. That is all that I know Clay." He sat next to me.  
"Did the guy that you saw have a white buzz cut? kinda small build but looked mean as a snake." I nodded and his eyes lit up. "I think I know who did this F/N." He got up and walked out of the office calling for Jax.   
"Are you ok F/N? Did he hurt you?"   
"I'm fine, just a little freaked out. Please don't tell Juice about this? I don't want him to get upset ok?" Opie nodded and helped me stand up.   
"Uh right, lets get back to changing that trucks oil huh?" I nodded  
Juice came in a half an hour later he knew that something was off but he didn't ask. I went to go get something to drink and when I came back Opie looked guilty and Juice looked pissed off.   
"What happened?"  
"That's what I wanna know, Opie wont say anything but you're acting like your terrified and I want to fucking know why."  
"Fine, but you _cannot_ go after him when I do tell you. You have to promise to hear me out all the way before I do." He looked apprehensive but nodded. "Alright, So you told Clay about what happened at the movies right?" He nodded "Well he wanted to know what I knew about the men and when I told him that I didn't know anything he wot a little impatient with me. He yelled and pushed me against the wall and it startled me." He stood up and I got up too and I grabbed his hand. "He wants to help his wife Juice, I can't hold that against him as all and I wish that I knew more but what I told him might have helped him and he apologized to me already, he didn't mean to hurt me or scare me ok." I tried to sooth him but he was having none of it.   
"He touched you? he pushed you against a wall? He touched my old lady?"   
"You promised me baby remember, if it was you're wife the one person you loved the most what would you do to help her? wouldn't you do anything to try to help her find closure?" He nodded and reached out to hold my face in his hands.   
"I'd have saved her." he rested his forehead against mine.   
"Feeling better?" He nodded and I kissed his nose. "Good because I didn't know what else to say to make you feel better." He laughed and shook his head.   
"You're ok though?" I nodded   
"I'm fine, that's what I've been telling you, but you sir are a wee bit dramatic."   
"C'mon I have to baby sit Abel and I wondered if you'd come with me?" I nodded and smiled.  
  
I never noticed that the club house was crazy until I was at Juice's. "You know, you're house is very calm" I told him as I rocked Abel in the rocking chair.  
"Well yes, that is part of the appeal." He smiled and looked up at me. "The club house driving you nuts?" I shook my head  
"I just noticed that it was quiet here is all." I shrugged and smiled   
"Well, you could always come live here if it gets to be to much." I looked at him   
"I'll keep that in mind, if it ever gets to be too much." He nodded   
"Well, that's an open invitation but I don't want you to feel pressured." I thought for a moment about how I would feel about living with Juice and I decided that I would have liked it I just didn't want to rush into it.  
"I'd like that but um maybe we could take it slow? Like i'll start leaving some stuff here each time I stay until it's all here?"   
"Whatever you want sweetheart, I just want you with me."   
"Well, you did invite me to live with you so I kinda figured that." I gave him a smile and he shook his head at me.  
"Are you always such a smart ass?"   
"You love it!"  
"Fuck yes I do."


	7. Chapter 7

I first and foremost never wanted to spend anymore 'quality time' with Clay, and if I did i never thought that it would be because Gemma invited Juice and I over for dinner with Jax and Tara. Gemma promised Juice that Clay would be on his best behavior. _That's what I'm afraid of_. If Tara had not called me and begged me to go I would have said no, but she wanted me to 'diffuse the tension' between her and Gemma. Juice busted up laughing when I told him that. I will still never understand how we got into an argument about who the best superhero was. Juice was on my side with Deadpool, Clay voted for Hellboy, and Jax for some reason said Colossus (The fuck?). Gemma and Tara just stared at each other mostly, _That wasn't weird at all_. Clay got a wee bit intense and Juice decided that we should talk about something else.   
"So F/N have you contacted your mom since you came to stay with us?" Gemma asked and I felt my heart sink  
"No, her and I don't really have anything to say to each other anymore." She looked at me with mom eyes and I interrupted her before she could ask anymore "So uh Gemma, when are you gonna get around to asking me to work for TM so you can cover Cara Cara. I know you hate that new girl and she always fucks up." I looked at her with a smile and she started laughing.   
"Well, I was gonna ask you over pie but since you beat me to it you can start tomorrow?" I nodded and smiled at her as Jax started laughing.   
"Oh my God, She is like a younger less mean you mom."   
"Hey! I wouldn't dream of comparing myself to the Queen, Jackson and you should take that back." Gemma bowed her head to me, Jax held up his hands in defense, and Juice kissed the side of my head. Abel started to cry so I got up to hold him. Tara got up too but I called out 'Dibs!' and she let me have him. "Hi handsome! you don't need to be all upset, It's ok."   
"She never calls me handsome." Juice said to Jax.  
"When your face looks like this guys, I will but until then skittles you get nothin' " I winked at him and Jax grinned.   
"Skittles?"   
"That Jax is something that you don't need to know about." Clay looked disgusted and Juice fucking blushed it was fantastic to see. Juice decided that it was time to go after that and I told Gemma I'd see her in the morning. I felt like I was being watched but I looked around and didn't see anyone, I didn't know the cars on the street well enough to tell if one was out of place. "You ready to go home sweetheart?" I nodded and slid onto the bike behind him.  
  
The first few times it happened I chalked it up to being paranoid, after three weeks of feeling like that every single time I went somewhere I told Juice. He told me to take someone with me whenever I went out, to keep my eyes open and if I wanted to start carrying a gun he would find me a nice one. I told him that would be the next step if i didn't fell better soon. Happy told me that he would follow me anywhere when I asked him to come to the store with me and I was glad that Juice wasn't around for that. After two weeks of someone going with me, and me still feeling like I was being watched I decided that it was just how I felt now. I figured maybe being paranoid when out of my home environment was a side effect of what I went through. Juice however got more upset when I told him that I still felt like I was being watched so I stopped telling him. I didn't like upsetting him when he was trying so hard to make me feel safe. He got me a Taser, pepper spray, and a rather impressive knife that I keep at home because it is massive and I had no where to put it when I went out.   
So, I decided to put on my big girl pants and went out to buy the tampons I knew that I would be needing soon all by myself. I was walking back to Juice's well _Our_ house and I knew that I was no longer alone. One because I fucking felt it, it was screaming in my goddamn ear and all the hairs on my arms stood up. Two because I heard a large engine behind me that was **not** Juice's motorcycle. I pulled out my phone to call Juice. "Hey baby"   
"Please tell me that you know the owner of the black SUV following me?"   
"What where are you?"  
"I'm on my way home, I went to the store and-"  
"You went by yourself? F/N how far from home are you?"  
"Uh maybe 5 minutes?"   
"I'll come meet you, just don't stop walking and don't let on that you know they are there."   
"Ok, Juice I'm scared."  
"Don't be sca-" I heard the engine gun for me and I knew that he heard it to. "Baby?"  
"Juice I love you" The SUV sped up and cut me off "I really do and this is not your fault-" hands grabbed me and I heard Juice yelling my name through the phone before I was knocked out.  
  
I woke up tied up, in a place that was cold and dark. My first guess was a freezer but no, it wasn't that cold. my next guess was a warehouse and I figured that I was right when the metal door slid open. I was terrified and I knew that this would probably be the end for me when I saw the familiar ski mask walk towards me.   
"Juicy! My how I have missed you. We didn't anticipate you being rescued by the Sons. Much less have one take a liking to your porky ass."  
"Funny story. My old mans nickname is Juicy." I mumbled and received a punch in the stomach and a slap to the face.   
"You're mother was a race traitor and now you are a race traitor and Its a disgrace." (AN: Again, I love all races, genders, sexual orientations, and everyone in general.) I decided that if i said anything that it would just make it worse so I kept quiet. It was just like I the months before the hitting and cutting and raping and beating. It was like I had never left except that I _had_ , for a few months I had felt safe and loved and living through this again was killing me. But the thought of Juice finding out that I had been through this again pained me even more because he was going to blame himself this was my fault. _I_ left by myself and _I_ didn't take my instinct seriously. It felt like I had been trapped in this hell for weeks but in reality it might have been a few days. I was getting ready for my next round of 'sexual healing' as they called it, when the door slid open and Jax, Happy, and Opie came in guns drawn. I tried to make myself smaller but I was tied up and It wasn't possible.  
"Goddamn it!" Opie yelled and tugged off his jacket to drape over me. I knew that I was in bad shape. Cuts, bruises and burns were covering my body and I was feeling anguish at the though of them seeing me that way.  
"Opie?" He scooped me up and carried me outside. I wasn't expecting to see the SUV pull in but it did and Opie set me down in the back of the truck and drew his gun. "JAX! Out here!" He shouted and I tried to keep myself covered. They all ran out and started shooting up the SUV, after about 3 minutes of consecutive shooting they approached the vehicle and I saw the faces of the men who had held me. They weren't impressive and they weren't anyone that I would look twice at on the street but I did recognize the man from the movies.  
"There are only 3 here." Happy mumbled and then turned to look at me. I just looked at him and whispered   
"Juice?" He sighed and shook his head.  
"He lost his shit when you were taken and we had to leave him behind. He was so drunk and couldn't even stand." I shook my head.   
"I need him" I whispered and Happy looked so sad.   
"Want me to take you home?" I nodded and he went up to Jax and spoke before he climbed into the truck and drove me home. He gently carried me inside and set me on my feet once we hit the living room. He looked as lost as I felt and I just sunk down to the floor and cried. He tried to touch me but I shook my head. Juice came stumbling in and fell over, he tried to get up but ended up scooting over to me. I backed away from him. "No." I told him   
"How are you here?" He tried to touch me again and I yelled at him.  
"No!" I shook my head. "No. I needed you and you were here drunk Juice. Don't touch me." I got up and went to the room to grab clothes. I changed and grabbed a second pair. "Take me home Happy? I don't want to be here right now." He nodded and helped me to the truck. I went to my old room and showered, then I sank to the floor and cried. I just kept thinking of that talk we had after Clay went nuts in the garage and hearing him say _"I'd have saved her."_ over and over again.  
  
I knew that it was stupid to hope that he would come for me, that he would come and tell me that he wanted me to come home. Yet I did, I sat in my old bed and hoped that he would come. He didn't though, Opie came and pulled me onto his lap and held me. He didn't care that I bled on him, he just wanted to look and see where I was bleeding from. He stitched up a few spots and wanted to take me to the hospital since the carving on my back had been re cut but I said no.   
He patched me up and let me talk to him about useless things and ramble until I fell asleep. I woke up to shouting outside the room.  
"Where the fuck were you? She was a goddamn mess last night and kept mumbling **Your** name in her sleep!"  
"I-I just couldn't Opie! I couldn't stand the thought of what they could have done to her!"  
"Well guess what! They fucking did it anyway! She has cuts and bruises and burns. she thought that we were them when we came to get her. **without you!**. They cut her back open again! and she only wanted to be with you after." There was a thump and a groan and then I cracked the door open and saw Juice on the floor with his lip bleeding and Opie standing above him looking formidable.   
"Opie?" I mumbled and he looked up at me.  
"Hey darlin' what's up?"  
"Could you get me something to drink while I deal with this?" He shook his head and I tilted my head at him.   
"Ten minutes and then I'm coming back." I nodded and sat across from Juice. He looked at the ground and I looked at the ceiling. "You feel better?" I finally asked and he snorted.   
"Why would you ask that?"   
"Well out of the two of us you got to get drunk and I wondered if it helped you any?" He shook his head and finally looked at me. "You look like shit."  
"Thanks, that's the look I was going for." I nodded and waited for him to say something. "I-I um hear that you needed me last night." I nodded "Do you still?" I didn't know why he would ask me that.   
"Of course I need you, I needed you ten hours ago when I was being pulled from a warehouse and I needed you when Opie was stitching me up six hours ago, and yet again I needed you when I woke up every hour for the last five hours crying because I thought that I was still there. When I needed you to ground me and hold me y-you weren't-" I broke off and buried my face against my knees and he slid across the hall and wrapped his arms around me.   
"I'm sorry baby, I'm sorry I tried to catch up to the SUV before they could take you from me and I wasn't fast enough. I wasn't thinking about you being alive, I was thinking of finding your body used and broken and dead and I'm sorry! I got drunk and I stayed that way because it was easier to not think of you being torture and treated like you were before I found you! I was selfish and scared but I'm here now and I'm not going anywhere. You didn't come home, you chose to leave and I don't blame you but please come back home. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you."  
"I kept hearing you say that you would have saved your wife from that, remember that talk?" He nodded "I kept hearing it over and over every second that I was away from you you never left my thoughts and then Opie came to save me. I was so glad to see him but It wasn't you Juice. I love you so much and I never once prayed for death because I knew that you were going to save me. So yes, I fucking need you right now. I need you to be Juice and tell me that i'm gonna be fine and that this doesn't change anything please just please tell me that." He pulled me onto his lap and rocked me.   
"I love you, and this- this changes nothing. You are going to be fine and nothing, nothing will change the way I feel for you unless it is to make me feel more for you. I was a fucking wreck and I am so sorry baby I really am." I had calmed down after hearing his heart beating against my ear and I leaned up to kiss his cheek.   
"I want to go home Juice. Can we go home?"   
"Uh not yet, Gemma wanted to talk to you and Tara needs to check you out- before you say no I'm saying yes you need to get looked at ok?" I sighed and nodded. I climbed off his lap and he helped me stand up. We bumped into Opie on our way out and he looked at my red face and gave Juice a look.  
"Hey Ope." I stepped forward and hugged him tight, he hugged me back and mumbled in my ear. "I love you too Opie. Thank you for saving me, that makes twice now." He nodded and wrapped an arm around me.   
"Lets get you to Tara huh? I know my stitches suck." I shook my head and looked back at Juice. He was watching me and I smiled gently at him.  
"I don't wanna see the Doc" I whined and Juice and Opie spoke at the same time.  
"Too bad." I rolled my eyes and started walking to the main room.  
  
***** **A few months later** *****  
  
"Are you really sure that this one is the one you want? Happy can draw you a cooler one?" I shook my head.   
"This one is the one I'm sure, please stop freaking out about it." I gave Juice a look and he held up his hands. I had decided to get Juice's crow tattooed on my wrist. He was happy but he didn't want me to regret my decision. I walked over to Happy.   
"Hi best friend, are you busy right now?"I gave him a small smile and he shook his head. "Can you tattoo this" I held up the picture "Here?" I pointed to my left wrist and he grinned and nodded.  
"Sure thing sweet cheeks. Just let me wash my hands and get my gun." I rolled my eyes at the nickname and looked over at Juice.   
"Are you sure that you want me to get it? I can find something else." He shook his head  
"No! No, I want you to have it." I nodded as Happy came back with his box of stuff. He sat me down and it didn't take that long to do it. I loved it! it was so cool and pretty.  
"What do you think?" He tilted his head to the side.  
"I think it's hot!" I smiled and scoffed at him. "I do! I love it sweetheart."   
"Thank you, you better like it, it's your crow." He kissed my cheek and nodded.   
"Does this mean that you two are gonna get married?" We both looked at Happy.  
"Uh" I said and Juice said  
"I figured we'd talk about it at some point why? you wanna be the maid of honor?" Happy nodded and I grinned at him.   
"That'd be cool. I'd like to see you in a tux." I winked at him and Happy smiled at me. Juice had a big grin on his face.  
"Did you just agree to marry me?" I shook my head  
"You didn't really ask me skittles."   
"Do you wanna marry me?"   
"Well.... yeah I mean we're practically married anyway might as well make it legal right?" Happy whistled as Juice grabbed me into a hug and laughed.  
"Are you gonna invite your mom?" Juice asked and I shook my head.   
"Her and I don't belong in the same world anymore baby. She is really into the church and I'm not a virgin anymore, she would be ashamed that I was raped and I don't want to have to live through her kicking me out."  
"Are you sure that she would do that?" I nodded "Well that's fine, you have family right here that loves you." Happy nodded and clapped me on the shoulder.  
"Hell yeah you do!"


	8. Chapter 8

When Gemma told me that Tig's girlfriend could help plan the wedding I was fine with it, but now that I met the sweet, kind and amazing Venus I knew that this was going to be great. Juice said that he didn't care about anything except the colors. He wanted mostly silver with black and dark blue accents. After that I could do what I wanted. Venus was a doll, she was helpful yet honest. She knew what the club would like and where a good place was to have the ceremony so that everyone would fit. I mostly let her have free reign. All I worried about was finding a dress that made me look nice and I knew that my hair was long enough to cover my back but I still worried. Juice offered to go with me but I wanted to go alone. Which is how I ended up surrounded by wedding dresses and feeling totally overwhelmed a month later. I called Juice "Hey sweetheart what's up?"  
"Do I have to wear a dress? Like can't I get an awesome Micheal Jackson white tux?" He laughed and told me no when a voice spoke from behind me,  
"Oh sugar no, that is not a good look on anyone but Micheal." I smiled and turned around.  
"If I wasn't so happy to see Venus I'd kill you Juice, I told you that I wanted to do this alone."  
"I knew that you'd need help don't be mad ok. Just kick my butt later when we're at home."  
"I'll kick something alright. I love you."  
"Love you to baby, bye."  
"Venus, Help me please and don't look at my back ok?"   
"I mentioned your battle scars with her honey you don't need to worry." Gemma told me and smiled. It took about two hours to find the perfect dress. It was white lace over blue satin with a sweetheart neckline that had a matching lace jacket that made it look elegant. I loved it which was surprising and it made Gemma and Venus cry which I was told was a good thing. Jax called me and asked if I could watch Abel and I agreed and told him to drop him by the house in about fifteen minutes. Gemma dropped me off just as Jax was pulling in.   
"Hey darlin' thanks for doing this " he said as he handed me a sleeping Abel.  
"Hey Jax, you know that I love him almost as much as I love Juice."  
"Oh ouch! here I thought I was the only one for you."  
"I thought you were out doing club stuff?" He shook his head and waved as Jax left.   
"I was, but I wanted to be home with you. I've been doing club shit and you've been working at TM or trapped with Venus so I figured we could have a night in together with Abel." I smiled  
"Well, that sounds like a great idea. What did you have in mind?" He gave me a slightly lecherous look and I flushed. I had finally felt comfortable enough with Juice to take that _intimate_ step a few nights after we got engaged and well lets just say that it was a very active step in this house, and at the club house, and one time in the movie theater bathroom...  
  
I had told Jax that I would bring Abel to the club house when I went to TM for work and then Gemma told me that Opie wanted me to help him in the garage for a while. I changed into the coveralls that Opie had made for me even with a name tag that said 'Pipsqueak'. Ope was under the truck trying to fix a dent and I was checking the fluids. "So where's your husband at?"   
"Uh, I dunno, probably at the weed shop."   
"You don't know where he is?"   
"Nope, I don't keep track of him Opie, He never gets in to much trouble."   
"He wants us to keep an eye on you all the time, but you don't do the same to him?" I could sense him getting angry.  
"Uh, no. But when you think about it it makes sense.." I gave small uneasy chuckle and he rolled out to look at me.  
"You let him run amok when he knows where you are every second? C'mon F/N he screwed up that day I was hiding from Tig and you let it go then he couldn't even keep his shit together to come save you and its magically fixed again! You see how that is kind of screwed up right?" I don't understand where this is coming from.  
"Opie, he was jealous of you that day with Tig! He thought that we fucked and then were post shower cuddling, and He was hammered because he thought that he was going to be looking for my used and tortured dead body! Why are you making such a big deal about this? If I can let it go why can't you?"   
"Because you deserve better! you shouldn't be putting up with so much crap F/N." He had stood up and was standing with his arms crossed.   
"That's what love is Opie! It is putting up with one person's never ending bullshit because you want them in your life. We _talked_ about all of those problems and i could see his side, but I still told him that it was wrong. Trust me I give him a hard time too, I'm a real bitch to him sometimes." I stepped closer to him and had to look up to see his face. He sighed and pulled me to him to give me a hug.  
"I guess I can understand that, Just keep giving him hell because he seems to like to piss you off." I nodded and laughed.  
"Will do Ope." I ran a hand through my hair and sighed having a big brother was stressful. We finished the truck and I went to find Gemma in the club house.  
"Hey sugar how are you?" I smiled and sat down next to her at the bar.  
"I'm ok, how are you doing?" She looked at me for a moment to decipher what I meant.  
"I'm doing alright, getting better every day." I nodded  
"I know you aren't one for touchy feely conversations, but I know what you're going through so if you need to talk please come to me?"   
"How are you ok? I didn't go through half of what you went through and you seem to be alright, you and Juice seem to be able to do anything and I still can't let Clay near me yet."  
"Sometimes I am, and sometimes I wont let Juice near me, If he or anyone raises their voice I still flinch and the last time he surprised me I pulled my gun on him. Gemma I am screwed up, the first few times Juice and I were um _together_ I freaked out half way through and he stopped. I battle with it every single day."  
"You do? you don't seem like it though."  
"Only Juice can tell and I have no idea how. I bet that Clay can tell too, Just talk to him, tell him how you feel. It can't hurt anything."   
"I guess that's true, my shit is fucked up all the way." She snuffed out her cigarette and headed to Clay's office.  
  
I was told that I _sugar you just have to_ meet Venus at this restaurant down the street from TM, now that would have been fun if I wasn't hurling my guts up. I didn't want to disappoint her so I got dressed and headed over. Venus was waiting outside and she rushed to meet me. "Oh dear are you alright? you look pale as a ghost!"   
"I'm fine Vee, I just have a stomach bug I think." she looked upset and I hugged her. "Really, I am fine! You wanted me to meet you is something wrong?" She shook her head.  
"Oh, oh no honey nothing is wrong. Come inside and see!" She pulled me inside. It was a bridal shower, everything was in silver, black, and blue. It was beautiful and I didn't know what to say.   
"You didn't even remember to plan the bridal shower so we planned it for you, do you like it?" I nodded and looked around at some familiar faces, there were the wives of some club members, a few girls from Cara Cara, and _Happy?_. He looked awkward and came up to me and hugged me.  
"These women are driving me nuts thank fucking God you're here."  
"Hap what are you doing here? isn't this a chick things?"  
"I figured you would want a familiar face besides Venus and Gemma." He looked like her regretted the decision.   
"Oh Happy, that's sweet of you, but you really don't have to do that. It's gonna drive me nuts to be around all these women and I have a stomach bug, you don't have to suffer too." He looked relieved but shook his head.  
"I'll stay with you. If you need me."   
"No, go tell Juice that he is dead for not warning me about this. And have a drink for me yeah?" He nodded and hugged me again.  
"Feel better and come by the club house after?" I nodded and he walked out with a hug for Gemma and a smile for Vee. It was a lot of fun, there was food and games that I thankfully wasn't required to play, and gifts. Ah yes gifts, lets just say that the women affiliated with the Sons loved leather and terrifying lingerie and leave it at that. About half way through the party I got sick again and bolted for the bathroom.   
"Honey, are you pregnant?" I pilled open the stall door to look at her.  
"What? no, Juice and I always use protection."   
"Are you on the pills?" I shook my head   
"No, I have a bad reaction to them, but we use condoms Gemma, I don't think I'm pregnant. Its just a bug." She nodded and we headed back to the party.   
"If you're sick more then three more days in a row take a test ok?" I nodded  
  
***** **One Week Later** *****  
  
"Gemma I'm getting married in three days. I _cannot_ be pregnant!" I was panicking in the TM office bathroom.   
"They aren't necessarily linked like that sweetheart and yes, you are indeed pregnant. The 2nd test sealed it but 6, well 6 positive tests are pretty air tight."   
"We never talked about kids, I'm to fucked up to be a mother. Gem what do I do?"  
"You take your own advice and go talk to your husband."   
"He might not want to get married after I tell him this." She shook her head and hugged me.   
"Call Juice, go home and talk to him, that will make you feel better." I sighed and pulled out my phone.   
"Hey baby whats up?"  
"I need to talk to you can you meet me at home?" He paused  
"Uh sure, is everything ok?"  
"Um sure? Just I'll meet you at home in a few minutes ok?"  
"Ok." I made it home before Juice and started to pace. I heard his bike pull up and started to freak out a little bit. _Oh shit, shit, shit!_  
"Babe?" He yelled before he even had the door open. "Are you ok?"  
"Yeah just don't freak out ok? Promise?" he nodded "Ok, so i've been sick for like a week and a half and tired right? Well turns out that You sir are going to be a daddy!" I tried to smile but it came out like a grimace.   
"That's it? Fuck you scared me, I thought that you were going to tell me you didn't want to get married or that you were dying."   
"That's it? That's it?! call me crazy but that's kinda fucking huge Juice! We have never talked about babies, Abel is the only baby that I have ever known and liked! I can't be a mom, I don't know how to mom!" He gently took my face in his hands.  
"Yes it's huge, but a good huge right? You are going to be a great mother because you are a great person and we never had to talk about babies. I want whatever you want. You will learn how to mom and I will learn how to dad and it will be great."  
"Are you sure? I thought you were gonna freak out, why am I freaking out and not you?" He smiled   
"I don't need to freak out, I need to keep you calm and that means I have to be the level headed one this time baby." I nodded "Do you need to make a doctors appointment or something?"  
"Um the Clinic, Gemma called and they are expecting me."   
"Us. Lets go. Shit we need to get you a car, you can't carry a baby on a bike." I smiled and grabbed my helmet.  
"We can worry about that later though right? Because the clinic really is expecting us." He laughed and nodded.  
  
"Alright F/N it looks like you are about 5 weeks pregnant, congratulations!


	9. Chapter 9

I never would have thought that I would be getting married and having a baby. Yet here I was, In a white gown, getting my hair curled by Venus and trying not to throw up. I wanted to talk to Juice! He called me really drunk last night and said something about how sorry he was for his face and I had no idea what the fuck that meant. I figured his face was gonna look pretty bad and that was fine, as long as he was ok. I heard a knock on the door.  
"Who is it?"  
"You're hungover blindfolded soon to be husband please let me in?" Venus looked startled and I jumped up and ran to the door, and flung it open. His blindfolded face was perfect.  
"There's nothing wrong with your face." I said with relief   
"What?"  
"You called and said that you were sorry for your face and I thought you got beat up or something." He looked confused  
"I called you? What else did I say?"   
"You said that you loved me, that you loved our little skittle, um you made me promise that we would never own a mini van and that was it."   
"Wow, well I wanted to talk to you and see how you were feeling so I found a loophole." He smiled and I leaned up to kiss him.   
"I'm ok, feeling a little sick but ok. How are you Mr. Hangover? did you leave Chibs on a rooftop somewhere?" He laughed and shook his head.  
"All the groomsmen are accounted for don't worry."   
"Sugar we have to finish your hair and the wedding starts in about 15 minutes." I nodded at Venus  
"I guess I'll see you in 15 then handsome." I kissed his cheek and nudged him at the door. He laughed and walked out the door.  
  
The ceremony was fast and it was sweet. Opie walked me down the aisle and I'll never forget the look on Juice's face when he saw me, he looked awestruck and I thought that he looked so handsome in his suit. It was silver with a black dress shirt and I couldn't believe that I was lucky enough to be marrying him. We said our I do's and then Juice added the clubs flare of "I promise to treat you as good as my leather and ride you as much as my Harley." Then it was time to kiss the bride, and then we were married! The reception was at the clubhouse and I knew that it was going to be a long night for Juice. Opie, Jax, Happy, and Tig all wanted to dance with me and then Venus told me I needed to sit and drink something because the baby 'needed to stay hydrated.' I decided to take my drink outside because it was getting noisy. I had about ten minutes alone.  
"Hey sweetheart" I looked up at Juice   
"Hello husband." He smiled and sat next to me.   
"Its quiet out here huh?" I nodded and smiled   
"Were you scared today?" He asked not looking at me.  
"I was only scared that you wouldn't show." He looked shocked.   
"Really? Why?"  
"I thought that you might realize that you can do better than me, I am not pretty, not strong, and not stable Juice, I know that and I am ok with it, but I was scared that you wouldn't see it until it was time for the wedding." He just shook his head at me.  
"I don't see any of those things. You are so strong baby and you aren't pretty, you're beautiful to me, and I am not stable either so we are both fucked that way." I laughed   
"What about you? Where you scared?"   
"Only that you wouldn't show because you realized that I am always going to make mistakes."  
"You told me that you couldn't freak out when I did and that I had to keep my head when you freaked out, and that is what a marriage is Juice one person keeping it together for the other, we were basically married before we got married. Why would I not show up for that?"  
"I dunno, I never said it made sense." I nodded and took his hand.   
"I love you, and I will never regret marrying you."   
"I love you too and I have no regrets either."   
"Should we go back inside?" I asked and he groaned.  
"Do we have to?" I shrugged and he took my hand. "Lets go home?"   
"Yes, we have baby names to discuss."  
  
***** **Six Months Later** *****  
  
"Juice, you cannot do the whole room alone. I want to help please?"  
"No, I told you that paint fumes are bad for you."  
"Fine then I won't fucking paint but I am helping so get used to it." _Stupid stubborn man_  
"Fine, but only light things you could pop any time and you know it." I rolled my eyes at him. I know that, I know that I could go into early labor I had been warned.   
"I think I'm gonna go visit Opie, you can do your macho wall painting alone and I'll be far away from those pesky paint fumes." I muttered sarcastically and went to get my bag.  
"Babe, don't be like that ok? What are you gonna do at TM anyway Gemma put you on maternity leave remember?" I sighed. "You know that i'm just worried. I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to you." He rubbed my belly and kissed my forehead.   
"It's easier to be mad at you when you act like a caveman go back to that." He gave me a look and smiled at me.   
"If you want me to act like a caveman I can bonk you over the head and drag you to bed?"   
"Oh baby oh baby you know what lights my fire." I mumbled and left him to his painting. A few days later after the paint dried I helped Juice put the rest of the room together. I put the baby clothes away and made up the bed. I was setting up the changing table when I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, It left as quick as it came so I shrugged it off until it happened again about twenty minutes later. I was in the living room while Juice took a shower when my water broke **fuck!**  
"Juice!"   
"One second babe"  
"Juice! It's happening!" He came out of our room with only jeans on.  
"What?"  
"It's baby time, get the bag!" He ran back to the room to get his clothes and shoes on. He came back and took my hand.   
"Ready?"   
"Not a chance in hell, you?" He shook his head and led me to the car. I knew that he was scared but he was keeping it together for me and I needed that more then ever right now. He held my hand and let me cuss to him. I never told him that I hated him because I didn't this wasn't his 'fault' it was just a part of life that sucked and made me wish I was a man. However it paid off because five hours later we got to hold our son. Oliver Matthew Ortiz 7 pounds 4 ounces and fourteen inches long. He was well he looked like a potato but he was my potato and I thought he was adorable.   
Juice had the acting role of mama bear since Tig tried to hold him and he had a hard time letting go or stepping back an inch. I was just happy that he was healthy and beautiful. I couldn't wait to take him home, and start our life with him. When I looked at his face all my fears melted and I knew that I would be able to do this without a shadow of a doubt. I was a wife, a mother and I was happy with who I am for once in my life.


End file.
